The Faithful Skeptic

Defend Traditional Marriage!

On November 2, Oregonians have to opportunity to vote on Measure 36 which would amend Oregon's Constitution to say that "only marriage between one man and one woman is valid or legally recognized as marriage." The proponents of Measure 36 frequently talk about this in terms of defending traditional marriage. But if we're really interested in "defending traditional marriage," we have to realize that the current state of egalitarian utopia us married folks enjoy has only been around for 30 or 40 years. So I don't believe the proponents of Measure 36 go far enough. Let's really defend the institution of marriage as we've known it for most of human history! Thus, I propose the following changes to Oregon's Constitution:

1. No married woman shall be allowed to own real property, including (but not limited to) houses, land, or automobiles. If a single woman has acquired said assets, she shall be required to transfer ownership to her husband on or before the date of marriage.
2. No married woman shall be allowed to work outside the home without the explicit written consent of her husband.
3. Any man shall be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason. The man shall retain all assets and full custody of any children, if he so desires.
4. Any woman shall be allowed to divorce her husband only if she can prove infidelity beyond a shadow of a doubt. The woman shall not be entitled to any assets held by the husband.
5. Any employer shall be allowed to reasonably reduce the wages of a newly married woman now that she no longer has to support herself.
6. Any employer shall be allowed to terminate any woman who becomes pregnant during the course of her employment. Further, no employer shall be required to hire a pregnant woman.
7. "Marital rape" is no longer considered a criminal offense. Marriage is considered prima facia evidence of consent to any sexual activity between a married man and woman.
8. Domestic violence will only be considered a misdemeanor offense, punishable by a small fine.

posted by Brian @ 1:13 PM